Introducing...

...the all new state-of-the-art bus service in KL, the Rabid KL. Specially designed by the Malaysian Government in conjunction with Visit Malaysia 2007 and to improve the standard of transportation within the city and its surrounding towns. KL-ites and those heading to and from the city will expect to find:

a) snot-nosed drivers with PhDs in profanities

b) inadequate seats

c) dubious level of hygiene

d) damaged air-conditioning

e) seats so bad everyone offers you a seat (which means (b) is redundant)

f) buses which appear at any time, anywhere

g) etc etc etc...remember those mini buses? They're in the Muzium Negara now; at least one is.

Let's hope Rapid KL isn't like the above!

And on to fortune cookies.

Fortune cookies are crap. The last time I got one, my fortune was: If you're hungry, have another fortune cookie.

What the hell was that? If I were hungry enough, I wouldn't eat any more fortune cookies. At least not more of those cookies by the same manufacturer. Now I take it upon myself to come up with the best fortunes ever:

1. You will die tomorrow. Choose the following options:

a) disembowelment
b) run over by a car
c) trampled by a rampaging crowd of shoppers in Midvalley Megamall
d) choking to death on a stupid fortune cookie
e) friend stabs you in the back
f) Harry Potter 7 is so bad, you had to wrench you guts out
g) the end of the world occurs

2. Your best friend will set all the animals free from the National Zoo. Preferably monkeys and orang utans.

3. Your girlfriend will dump you for another guy next week. Choose between:

a) Jude Law
b) Raja Azlan Shah
c) Christian Bale
d) Kevin Federline
e) Stanley Oh

4. Your boyfriend will propose to you in the year 3006. With a charcoal ring. (Excuse: the basic compound of diamonds is carbon. Our love will be eternal yeah? There's plenty of time for the charcoal to turn into a diamond!)

5. You will embark on a long trip to Borders this Friday.

6. Atlantis will become your second home.

7. You realise that your true love is a:

a) sham
b) gay
c) monkey
d) cat

8. Matt Bellamy turns up at your door with Muse and his entourage and stages a personal concert for you.

I'll take the eighth ANY TIME. Do you hear me, oh Destiny and Fate? I HAVE to go to the Muse concert or my life will never be the same again!

(Vile humour, such vile humour. Oh sod it, I'm so sleepy. Yay me.)