Miscellany, the writing of

I've been reading so many Discworld books non-stop that I worry that one day I might dream of Nobby. Mmm. Although it'll be a good thing to dream about Vimes, in all his flawed, stubborn and cynical glory.

Was reading Thief of Time, and found this line, just as Holland scored some goal or other:

Lu-Tze had long considered that everything happens for a reason, except possibly football*.

And it is true. I have resisted the World Cup fever. And I have yet to find Unseen Academicals, but that's okay, because I want the paperback version. Hardcover's heavy, takes up too much space - I've ran out of space on my bookshelves again, all right? - and paperbacks can be wrapped and stored in the same height on the same shelf.

I might be a serial filer in disguise, I don't know. Do you categorise things according to function? Short of having an Excel spreadsheet for your Inventory of Things, o cos. That's the funny thing - Excel annoys me. Sure, it's fun to see everything in its right order and category, but there's something about Excel that pisses me off. Maybe it's how my Vista tries to hang every time I have to do spreadsheets for classwork on my laptop.

Right, right, back to Discworld.

Was reading this book, right, and it had werewolves and vampires and creatures of the night**. Nowhere in there was there anything to do with sparkles. If it did, it was the dwarfs' fault, because they mine stuff that sparkle. Like diamonds. So anyway, these werewolves and vampires, they had absolutely no resemblance to Twilight. None. Nada. The werewolves run around naked, true, but they're more likely to rip Bella limb-to-limb than not have sex with her. And the vampires? They wouldn't even bother with her, my vord yes (1). Cos, it's just Pratchett's The Fifth Elephant.

***

Have not watched Eclipse. Not planning to. Cos I'm going to watch

INCEPTION!!!1!!!1!!

And Joseph Gordon-Levitt .

***

I wonder how Ankh-Morpork would work with insurance (2). Cos, it's not like they haven't tried when it came to fire and destruction of property, but still...ooo, lemme go think about it.

***

Y'know, I'm going to be 20 in about a month's time. It's a strange number, 20***. I've never even been out drinking on a weekend night. Not because I'm not allowed to. I just don't see the point. Alcohol is fine and all, but I'd like to be able to carry out a normal conversation without people telling me my face is turning red, and to stop drinking the alcohol-spiked soft drink****. Not that I drink much. Okay where was I...

***

If this summary about the new Artemis Fowl book is accurate, I am going to cry when I read the book. Flirty Artemis? What? What? *facepalm* Arghhh. Hormones. I hope Holly drop-kicks him into the ocean or something. Yeah!

Or I'm getting too old for this. Ah, once I might join the fangirls in squeeing over the new romantic developments, but now - sigh.

***

*And vuvuzelas.

**i.e. mating cats and your neighbour singing badly and playing his guitar at 2 a.m.

***Fine, fine, I know you're older than that, but indulge me, all right?

****I can't do anything about it. It's genetic. 100% proof.

(1) They'll throw her to the Igors instead. Tho nothing goeth to wathte, yeth thur.

(2) Firstly, it would piss the Guilds off, especially the Assassins and the Thieves. The assassins don't kill you unless someone pays for it, and thieves won't rob you - or not indiscriminately - if you paid a stipulated amount every year for a specific number of crimes. Cos, there is a flaw in there, isn't it...Ankh-Morpork being what it is, who's to say the thieves won't work with the insurance companies? Not the assassins though, cos they have the Code.

I can imagine the policy for Vimes, hur hur. Probably Vetinari might include a clause for Intentionally Causing Damage in the Pursuit of Justice and Watch Activities.

Not healthcare though, cos insurance companies won't be that stupid.

And don't let me get started on the dwarfs, all right? And trolls. And Nobby.

Is Reg eligible for life insurance? One can only wonder.