Na na ne na na
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ARTEMIS FOWL!
Oh and my sister, of course, though she never comes here ;)
New interview with Eoin Colfer up here. Says he's just finished writing an adult noir comedy. About hair plugs. Now I'm looking forward to that.
Anyways.
Was up quite late last night sporking (or snarking) with Chin Lei about the might-be-released novel by Meyer, Midnight Sun. Available here if you're interested. Apparently it's a "retelling of the events of Twilight, but written from the perspective of Edward Cullen". Huh. So...it's just a rehash? Okay.
So, right.
Meyer. Keeps. Using. The same words over and over again. Arghhhhhhhhh.
I reached page 68 and gave up. Sheesh.
To be fair though - this story is easy to read. Not bad pacing either, and the characters aren't too complicated. They're pretty cool too, with theirsuperpowers special powers - except that Eddie Cullen's mind-reading makes me want to wear tinfoil hats like Foaly.
Yeah, so anyway.
One word that was used again and again, in the same context - "chocolate".
Like...
My eyes locked for a small portion of a second with a pair of wide, chocolate-brown human eyes set in a pale, heart-shaped face.
And then...
...a pair of bewildered chocolate-brown eyes stared back at me...
And more...
Bella's wide chocolate eyes were not bewildered by this vision...
And four more other uses, all about Bella's eyes. Hm. Right. Yummy.
In 12 chapters? Oh man.
And there was the word - "chagrin".
Over and over and over. The characters like chagrinning, doncherno.
Oh, and TEH MONSTER in Edward Cullen!
"Should have character page," says Chin Lei.
Definitely.
The monster in my head smiled in anticipation.
The monster rejoiced.
I leaned away from her in revulsion - the monster aching to take her.
...the monster writhed and gnashed his teeth in frustration...
Hmph. Rowling did the whole monstery thing in HBP with Harry. Now Meyer takes it all the way further, wheeeeeeee. Meyer's monster count climbs into the 40s. I'm not kidding.
And the throat-buring.
*headdesk*
The thing is, language aside, the one thing that really got on both our nerves was the characterization.
Let's see what does Edward Cullen do/have to contribute to his awesum perfection:
1. He *sparkles*. And has "scintillating arms" and an "incandescent chest".
2. From wiki: "The development of the Edward Cullen character was influenced by Gilbert Blythe, Fitzwilliam Darcy, and Edward Rochester." He's based on three "perfect" male fictional characters - and also ruining two of my old fandoms in one sentence.
3. He says things like "You're a thousand times lovelier than the stars", and doesn't get punched/laughed at.
4. Two degrees in medicine.
5. Oh, and he can identify interphase of onion cells very easily. To quote Chin Lei...
Chin Lei: u cant identify interphase of the bleeding onion root cell with just one glance
Chin Lei: i farking spent half and hour last time and i went all mata juling
Apparently Bella can too - see? Match made in HEAVEN!
6. He likes...music.
I put a CD of violent music into the stereo
And I have a dreadful feeling it might just be Muse. Or Placebo. Meyer's a fan.
7. He's cautious.
I was doing everything correctly now. Every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed.
8.He can be charming.
But I knew how to be charming when I wanted to be
9. He's sensitive.
It eased some of the pain that she gazed at me from across a distance, every now and then. Of course, she could just be wondering what kind of a freak I was
10. He drives a Volvo.
11. He self-denies.
...my decades of self-denial...
Oh and he's still a virgin at 108 years old...ahem. Go figure hey.
12. He mind-reads to get answers.
I picked the correct answer out of his head.
13. He chagrins.
My mouth twisted with chagrin.
14. He's a vegetarian, so he drinks animal blood. A lot of it.
I overdid it, drinking more than necessary, glutting myself again- a small grouping of elk and one black bear I was lucky to stumble across.
Chin Lei: *hugs bear*
15. His eyes change colour based on his blood appetite.
...my eyes had been black with thirst...my body swimming in blood, my eyes were a warmer gold
16. He composes music. On the piano. The grand piano.
17. Also mengada.
I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for
18. He emos. A LOT.
I did not truly have a life.
19. He has gleaming teeth.
I smiled widely at her then, letting my lips pull back to expose the rows of gleaming razor sharp teeth behind them.
20. He has a father - Carlisle - who will say this to him:
"Here, take my car. It's faster."
*sniff* Don't we all wish that could happen to us?
21. He misses food, I think.
Her breath filled my nose, and I was reminded why I could not deserve her. After all of this , even with as much as I loved her... she still made my mouth water.
22. He can carry vehicles.
I could hardly sit there, holding the van in the air...
23. He *dazzles* people.
"Do I dazzle you?" I voiced my curiosity impulsively, and then the words were out, and it was too late to recall them.
But before I had time to deeply regret* speaking the words aloud she answered, "Frequently." And her cheeks took on a faint pink glow.
I dazzled her.
My silent heart swelled with a hope more intense than I could ever remember having felt before.
*He splits infinitives too, grr.
24. How he describes a kiss -
my lips to her lips, cold stone to warm, yielding silk
That just sounds like one of those romance novels to me.
25. He creeps into Bella's room at night to watch her sleep.
How can this be perfect?! I don't even feel comfortable if any of my family members were to watch me sleep!
So, erm, yeah. Bella has her own list too, but not today, darlings, not today.
Go read Artemis Fowl or something. *shakes head* I'd rather read Gossip Girl any day. At least it's funny in some places. And the characters are believable. Blair Waldorf would bitchslap Edward Cullen for being so perfect, I think.
Can just imagine Artemis giving his opinion on Edwardeo and Jubella's epic love story..."Really, this is hardly necessary." And smiling that Vampire Smile™, of course.
Oh, and you can just go here to read a really good chapter-by-chapter sporking of Midnight Sun. Don't miss it, bbs.
Oh and my sister, of course, though she never comes here ;)
New interview with Eoin Colfer up here. Says he's just finished writing an adult noir comedy. About hair plugs. Now I'm looking forward to that.
Anyways.
Was up quite late last night sporking (or snarking) with Chin Lei about the might-be-released novel by Meyer, Midnight Sun. Available here if you're interested. Apparently it's a "retelling of the events of Twilight, but written from the perspective of Edward Cullen". Huh. So...it's just a rehash? Okay.
So, right.
Meyer. Keeps. Using. The same words over and over again. Arghhhhhhhhh.
I reached page 68 and gave up. Sheesh.
To be fair though - this story is easy to read. Not bad pacing either, and the characters aren't too complicated. They're pretty cool too, with their
Yeah, so anyway.
One word that was used again and again, in the same context - "chocolate".
Like...
My eyes locked for a small portion of a second with a pair of wide, chocolate-brown human eyes set in a pale, heart-shaped face.
And then...
...a pair of bewildered chocolate-brown eyes stared back at me...
And more...
Bella's wide chocolate eyes were not bewildered by this vision...
And four more other uses, all about Bella's eyes. Hm. Right. Yummy.
In 12 chapters? Oh man.
And there was the word - "chagrin".
Over and over and over. The characters like chagrinning, doncherno.
Oh, and TEH MONSTER in Edward Cullen!
"Should have character page," says Chin Lei.
Definitely.
The monster in my head smiled in anticipation.
The monster rejoiced.
I leaned away from her in revulsion - the monster aching to take her.
...the monster writhed and gnashed his teeth in frustration...
Hmph. Rowling did the whole monstery thing in HBP with Harry. Now Meyer takes it all the way further, wheeeeeeee. Meyer's monster count climbs into the 40s. I'm not kidding.
And the throat-buring.
*headdesk*
The thing is, language aside, the one thing that really got on both our nerves was the characterization.
Let's see what does Edward Cullen do/have to contribute to his awesum perfection:
1. He *sparkles*. And has "scintillating arms" and an "incandescent chest".
2. From wiki: "The development of the Edward Cullen character was influenced by Gilbert Blythe, Fitzwilliam Darcy, and Edward Rochester." He's based on three "perfect" male fictional characters - and also ruining two of my old fandoms in one sentence.
3. He says things like "You're a thousand times lovelier than the stars", and doesn't get punched/laughed at.
4. Two degrees in medicine.
5. Oh, and he can identify interphase of onion cells very easily. To quote Chin Lei...
Chin Lei: u cant identify interphase of the bleeding onion root cell with just one glance
Chin Lei: i farking spent half and hour last time and i went all mata juling
Apparently Bella can too - see? Match made in HEAVEN!
6. He likes...music.
I put a CD of violent music into the stereo
And I have a dreadful feeling it might just be Muse. Or Placebo. Meyer's a fan.
7. He's cautious.
I was doing everything correctly now. Every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed.
8.He can be charming.
But I knew how to be charming when I wanted to be
9. He's sensitive.
It eased some of the pain that she gazed at me from across a distance, every now and then. Of course, she could just be wondering what kind of a freak I was
10. He drives a Volvo.
11. He self-denies.
...my decades of self-denial...
Oh and he's still a virgin at 108 years old...ahem. Go figure hey.
12. He mind-reads to get answers.
I picked the correct answer out of his head.
13. He chagrins.
My mouth twisted with chagrin.
14. He's a vegetarian, so he drinks animal blood. A lot of it.
I overdid it, drinking more than necessary, glutting myself again- a small grouping of elk and one black bear I was lucky to stumble across.
Chin Lei: *hugs bear*
15. His eyes change colour based on his blood appetite.
...my eyes had been black with thirst...my body swimming in blood, my eyes were a warmer gold
16. He composes music. On the piano. The grand piano.
17. Also mengada.
I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for
18. He emos. A LOT.
I did not truly have a life.
19. He has gleaming teeth.
I smiled widely at her then, letting my lips pull back to expose the rows of gleaming razor sharp teeth behind them.
20. He has a father - Carlisle - who will say this to him:
"Here, take my car. It's faster."
*sniff* Don't we all wish that could happen to us?
21. He misses food, I think.
Her breath filled my nose, and I was reminded why I could not deserve her. After all of this , even with as much as I loved her... she still made my mouth water.
22. He can carry vehicles.
I could hardly sit there, holding the van in the air...
23. He *dazzles* people.
"Do I dazzle you?" I voiced my curiosity impulsively, and then the words were out, and it was too late to recall them.
But before I had time to deeply regret* speaking the words aloud she answered, "Frequently." And her cheeks took on a faint pink glow.
I dazzled her.
My silent heart swelled with a hope more intense than I could ever remember having felt before.
*He splits infinitives too, grr.
24. How he describes a kiss -
my lips to her lips, cold stone to warm, yielding silk
That just sounds like one of those romance novels to me.
25. He creeps into Bella's room at night to watch her sleep.
How can this be perfect?! I don't even feel comfortable if any of my family members were to watch me sleep!
So, erm, yeah. Bella has her own list too, but not today, darlings, not today.
Go read Artemis Fowl or something. *shakes head* I'd rather read Gossip Girl any day. At least it's funny in some places. And the characters are believable. Blair Waldorf would bitchslap Edward Cullen for being so perfect, I think.
Can just imagine Artemis giving his opinion on Edwardeo and Jubella's epic love story..."Really, this is hardly necessary." And smiling that Vampire Smile™, of course.
Oh, and you can just go here to read a really good chapter-by-chapter sporking of Midnight Sun. Don't miss it, bbs.
posted by Lynn at
12:33 pm
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