Because I can
I didn't burden anyone with mindless quotes from The Truth now, did I? Pratchett is memorable :) I remember his lines, therefore they are memorable. Memory - memorable, geddit?
(It's better if you didn't, or hadn't, or don't ever want to. It's a sad sort of humour to have really. I'm the only one laughing now. LOL LOL LOL!)
And you have lines such as these!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?
And this!
"It's not a ---ing harpsichord, it's a ---ing virginal," growled Mr. Tulip. "One ---ing string to a note instead of two! So called because it was an instrument for ---ing young ladies!"
"My word, was it?" said one of the chairs. "I thought it was just a sort of early piano!"
Er. I can't sleep. Might as well spam my own blog, d'you know what I'm saying?
And the Dis-organizer Mk II's warranty is being entirely truthful.
"This device is provided without warranty of any kind as to reliability, accuracy, existence or otherwise fitness for any particular purpose and Bioalchemic Products specifically does not warrant, guarantee, imply or make any representations as to its merchantability for any particular purpose and furthermore shall have no liability for or responsibility to you or any other person, entity or diety with respect of any loss or damage whatsoever caused by this device or object or by any attempts to destroy it by hammering it against a wall or dropping it into a deep well or any other means whatsoever and moreover asserts that you indicate your acceptance of this agreement or any other agreement that may be substituted at any time by coming within five miles of the product or observing it through large telescopes or by any other means because you are such an easily cowed moron who will happily accept arrogant and unilateral conditions on a piece of highly priced garbage that you would not dream of accepting on a bag of dog biscuits and is used solely at your own risk."
And this, I'm afraid, is the truth.
William wondered why he had always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.
Because why does someone say "no offense meant" when he knows in the first place that his words are going to cause offense?
Besides, if he hadn't said that no offense was meant, no attention would be drawn to the fact that offense was specifically not meant in his perfectly innocent words.
"THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YE FRET"
Yay. It does. Just a few months ago I came up with a shite philosophical hypothesis -
"It is better that we are not told the whole truth because we need to be able to accept that the truth may hurt us."
That sentence doesn't even sound grammatically correct, I'm thinking.
It's like self-delusion, kinda. Don't see things for what they are because you don't want to get hurt.
I hate 3 a.m. It's when you lie awake thinking about
a) all the bad things you did
b) all the good things you could have done
c) the stories you could write
d) lame ideas
e) food
f) when is it going to be morning anyway?
g) the friend who was so mean to you, how dare he
h) whether that was a cockroach running over your feet
i) when the cats are going to stop going at it
I like Didactylos. To sum up, he said this: "Things just happen. What the hell."
And it suits me fine, because there's no point lying awake at 3 a.m. thinking why things happened the way they did.
It's been one of those bad days. Nothing to do with Nano, mind you. I just said it did, because if I had given any other reason, you would have said (in a slightly condescending tone too, I might add), "Ha, it's your PMS again, is it?"
Excuse me? Excuse me? I refuse to be made a slave of my own hormonal fluctuations!
P.S. - I hope Stephanie doesn't kill me for mentioning Pratchett for the ten thousandth time XD Sorry!
(It's better if you didn't, or hadn't, or don't ever want to. It's a sad sort of humour to have really. I'm the only one laughing now. LOL LOL LOL!)
And you have lines such as these!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?
And this!
"It's not a ---ing harpsichord, it's a ---ing virginal," growled Mr. Tulip. "One ---ing string to a note instead of two! So called because it was an instrument for ---ing young ladies!"
"My word, was it?" said one of the chairs. "I thought it was just a sort of early piano!"
Er. I can't sleep. Might as well spam my own blog, d'you know what I'm saying?
And the Dis-organizer Mk II's warranty is being entirely truthful.
"This device is provided without warranty of any kind as to reliability, accuracy, existence or otherwise fitness for any particular purpose and Bioalchemic Products specifically does not warrant, guarantee, imply or make any representations as to its merchantability for any particular purpose and furthermore shall have no liability for or responsibility to you or any other person, entity or diety with respect of any loss or damage whatsoever caused by this device or object or by any attempts to destroy it by hammering it against a wall or dropping it into a deep well or any other means whatsoever and moreover asserts that you indicate your acceptance of this agreement or any other agreement that may be substituted at any time by coming within five miles of the product or observing it through large telescopes or by any other means because you are such an easily cowed moron who will happily accept arrogant and unilateral conditions on a piece of highly priced garbage that you would not dream of accepting on a bag of dog biscuits and is used solely at your own risk."
And this, I'm afraid, is the truth.
William wondered why he had always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.
Because why does someone say "no offense meant" when he knows in the first place that his words are going to cause offense?
Besides, if he hadn't said that no offense was meant, no attention would be drawn to the fact that offense was specifically not meant in his perfectly innocent words.
"THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YE FRET"
Yay. It does. Just a few months ago I came up with a shite philosophical hypothesis -
"It is better that we are not told the whole truth because we need to be able to accept that the truth may hurt us."
That sentence doesn't even sound grammatically correct, I'm thinking.
It's like self-delusion, kinda. Don't see things for what they are because you don't want to get hurt.
I hate 3 a.m. It's when you lie awake thinking about
a) all the bad things you did
b) all the good things you could have done
c) the stories you could write
d) lame ideas
e) food
f) when is it going to be morning anyway?
g) the friend who was so mean to you, how dare he
h) whether that was a cockroach running over your feet
i) when the cats are going to stop going at it
I like Didactylos. To sum up, he said this: "Things just happen. What the hell."
And it suits me fine, because there's no point lying awake at 3 a.m. thinking why things happened the way they did.
It's been one of those bad days. Nothing to do with Nano, mind you. I just said it did, because if I had given any other reason, you would have said (in a slightly condescending tone too, I might add), "Ha, it's your PMS again, is it?"
Excuse me? Excuse me? I refuse to be made a slave of my own hormonal fluctuations!
P.S. - I hope Stephanie doesn't kill me for mentioning Pratchett for the ten thousandth time XD Sorry!
posted by Lynn at
2:15 am
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