Fortune cookies

Brilliant idea! Through my brief conversation with Chin Lei - and involving an idiot who I used to think I can depend on but has now failed expectations for the umpteenth time (because this human has been disapppointing to me so many times in the past, and the tragic thing is, it wasn't his/her fault half the time) - I have decided to come up with the best death predictions ever.

Here goes:

1. Choking to death on:

a) fortune cookies
b) chocolate
c) spring onion
d) air

2. Stabbed in the back by a friend, using:

a) a pen
b) a samurai sword
c) a plastic fork

3. Drowning in:

a) Willy Wonka's chocolate river
b) the school toilet
c) a flash flood in KL

4. Dying of disease like:

a) irreparable brain damage
b) undetected cancer
c) idiot-itis

5. Dying from a broken heart, because of these:

a) idiot
b) fool
c) evolved ape

6. Losing the will to live (yeah, it's a valid reason in Star Wars; Amidala died because she "lost the will to live" - isn't that brilliantly original?) because of:

a) an idiot
b) a fool
c) a scarred big-headed Jedi
d) Darth Vader's evil twin

7. Wasting away because of:

a) boredom in reading this
b) stupid fortune cookies

8. Laughing to death because:

a) you realise how stupid you've been to put your trust on some people
b) you realise how stupid you've been to believe things could have been better
c) you realise that you don't have to die over anyone because they're not even worth it
d) your rage is baseless

9. Death by obesity because of too much:

a) chocolate
b) char kuay teow
c) roti canai
d) chicken

10. My favourite: Death by old age.

Don't say I'm morbid.

I know I am.

Sucker love, I always find
Someone to bruise and leave behind

~ Every You Every Me, Placebo