The point is

I get these obsessions once in a while.

[You: Oh really? 'Once in a while'? Make that every month or so!]

In which I just cannot stop talking about that certain book/band/song/person.

[You: Too true.]

So, anyways. Artemis Fowl.

[You: *rolls eyes* AGAIN, D'Arvit!]

So yeah. Found the Uncyclopedia article for the kid.

[You: *groan*]

It's funny. It's mean, and the snark factor goes through the roof, but it's soooooo funny!

[You: You know what? Just shut up. Shut up, okay?]

Artemis Fowl is an international criminal, wanted by Interpol, the FBI, the CIA, Scotland Yard, the KGB, the Vatican, the Illuminati, Spiderman, and all of these groups for a near-infinite verity of crimes, including money laundering, gun running, grand theft, bank robbery, drug dealing, and being a snooty jerk, though in fact, he is responsible for all crime everywhere.

How can anyone not think this is the ultimate of funnies?!

[You: You know, I think I can.]

And I was thinking, yeah, that I should add Edward Cullen to Arty's list of enemies! So funny kan?

[You: Oh gosh dang it, you're going to tell us anyway.]

Because, see - there can only be one rich, cold, intelligent, manipulative bastard in fanfiction!

[You: Yeah, because you know what, I agree with you. I mean, come on, Edward Cullen...]

And I've also been reading a lot of fanfiction! *grin*

[You: *grin* Beyotch.]

Which were pretty good!

[You: Oh my Arty Snaffle Poo.]

And I found some weird crossovers in the Artemis Fowl fandom! Like Harry Potter! Twilight! Lilo and Stitch!

[You: Oh dear gawds...you aren't kidding? Are you? Are you?!] (I'm not.)

Anyway, I can't wait for the next book!

[You: *tears hair out* For the hundredth time - STFU ABOUT THE DAMN BOOKS!!!]

Oh, and I nearly forgot! One thing about Sirius Black; I can't remember where I read it before. But...ever realised why Rowling didn't tell us Sirius's middle name? If he was named after his dad like the kids in the Potterverse usually are, his middle name would be Orion. Thus, this would make his initials S.O.B.

[You: OH I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR, ROWLING. S.O.B. is also an acronym for..."son of a bitch". Hur hur, Rowling.]

Oooo, and another thing! My brain refuses to engage in any productive thought processes!

[You: Clearly, someone has been living in denial.]

But I've been reading though! Like Pratchett's Nation!

[You: Oh hey...yeah. Review?] (Just here. Not much, but just saying. Spoilers though.)

Plus, I've started reading Good Omens, that one book written by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett! Crowley and Aziraphale are just so...slashable.

[You: You read...slash fics? Wait - what?] (I don't.)

And I've begun Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland!

Only liked the Caterpillar so far. And the Mad Hatter, of course.

[You: Eh, it's a kiddie book. You're weird.]

And because, you know, I couldn't resist.

[You: Honey, you've never resisted torturing us here for years, so don't start.]

Why Artemis Fowl can almost be a Gary Stu

1. He can speak in...

a. English
b. Spanish
c. French
d. Taiwanese
e. Gnommish
f. Russian
g. Elvish
h. Orkish
i. Hobbitish

I made up the last 3. He would probably be able to speak all the other languages in the world as the series progresses. And every made up one too.

2. He has perfect pitch.

3. He's also artistic, being able to forge famous paintings well.

4. Ambidextrous too.

5. Highest tested IQ in Europe.

6. Has a car!!!!!!! A Red Bentley.

7. Expert in psychology. Writes books and contributes in journals.

Ahaks. If I go on with the list, I'll probably start detesting the kid.

But you know something?

He can't understand girls.

Anyways.

Buggre alle this for a larke...to quote someone.

[You: There you go with your quotes. Think of something original, won't you? And it's not funny.]

And remember, Arty Fowl does not sparkle.

[You: Oh bitchcakes.]