Globble-lie-say-shan't

An interview with Lynn (blogger). Written by LYNN.

You did not blog since Saturday! Is this an important achievement for you?
Duh, yes. Huge, simply gargantuan.

I've heard that you were busy these past few days. Any news on your upcoming idea?
What the hell?! I don't have any new ideas! I've been busy. With studies. Exams. Whatever.

Erm...okay. I did hear rumours that you had difficulties in completing the History paper today. Why was the paper difficult for you?
Because, like, it was so freakin' hard, you know. Everyone said it was. It was. I mean, like, hello! There are more interesting stuff in life than studying History! I still have to ogle Matt Bellamy's picture every day, ya know! And listen to Brendon Urie!

I...see. And how was the English paper today?
(Lynn glares.) Oh shut up. It was crap.

It was?
No. It was absolutely divinely sublime.

*cough cough* Fine then. Any comments on the other papers?
No comment.

Why not?
None of your business, missy.

Any reason for your surprising bad temper?
Yes.

And...?
You.

Well! This isn't going well at all! Another question, though; why did you choose to write in this format for this post?
Come on la, people have to read so many essays already. This short snappy format easier on the eyes, kan?

Oh it is. What inspired you to write in this Q & A format?
I suppose it's those History questions - too many, you know? Oh, and Smith's The Accidental. Good book. Don't think you should read it though; you look too young. How old are you again?

Ex-cuse me, this is an interview about YOU. Nothing to do with me. Now, moving on. What do you think is an important issue among us Malaysians?
Us Malaysians? What if I told you that I was born in Sarawak?

Sarawak is part of Malaysia, doink. Just get on with the question.
Okay, okay, no need to get your knickers in a twist. Important issue....hmm...maybe it's the opening of a new Louis Vuitton store in KL?

Irrelevant. Come on - answer already!
I thought it was all about me. *hmph* Well, globalisation, I guess.

Care to elaborate?
I dunnolah...the History teacher set that question on globalisation in the paper, I tak boleh answer, die lor. I don't know why lah, but since she set it, it's quite important right?

Any other suggestions?
Self-cleaning toilets. I've been wondering whether a super high-tech toilet cleans itself or its users.

Interesting...why do you wonder? Shouldn't it be obvious?
What is obvious? Malaysians have a reputation for being unhygienic and rude, but we're a happy lot, thank you very much. We're dirtily, inconsiderately happy. But of course, I don't mean all Malaysians. If I said so, I would be making a sweeping statement, won't I? And that's not good because I know I'm not superficial; I'm just aware of my wonderful abilities and awesome-ness. I'm thankful for being me, you know, because -

(Interviewer looks very very weary.)

Moving on! Lynn, can you enlighten me about your relationship with -
Oi, I said no personal questions! (flings balls of tissue at the interviewer)

(ducks) - with Yuvha Dharshini?
(laughs) I thought you meant someone else! About her...er...nothing lah. Who is she anyway?

That girl who sits behind you in exams? She likes to go 'Yeeerrrrrrr!' and is forever being teased by Eugene and Stanley. Remember her?
Oh, you mean that girl! What about her?

Oh forget it. I've had enough with you.
Wait! I still haven't told you about my deepest darkest secret!

You will?
No.

Fine! I'm leaving!
Wait lah...come on lah, don't merajuk. I'll tell you a story about a blue clown who sees you when you're sleeping.

Eh?!
Never mind. Genius cannot be understood by Bozos. Sad, but true.

What about the blue clown?
What blue clown?

You said you had a story about a clown!
I never said that!

You did too!
Did not!

You're an utter nuisance to society and your friends! Get lost!
So was Wilde - and he's a genius!

The interviewer stalks off, looking extremely irritated.

You'll be sorry! Ha! Nobody appreciates creativity until someone wins a Nobel Prize! Or a Booker! Or something else la! Or writes crap stories about some silly boy wizard! You wait! I'll write about clowns until I earn so much money that I'll end up laughing myself into Hospital Bahagia! Just wait!

P.S. - I have come to the realisation that blogging is a very therapeutic exercise. Now you can go back to your wonderfully fascinating lives. =P