Oddity

Finally finished the epic fic that is not actually epic - all 61K words of it.

And I'm still wondering why I did it. A month plus of writing and I still think it's not good. Meh. Still get the doubts, and the occasional wanting-to-take-it-off-the-web thingy. It's posted on Fanfiction.net, but don't try looking for it - Google won't turn up anything.

You're probably wondering if I'm just trying to show off, or need to get some sleep before I think of blogging at this ungodly hour.

Me, I think it's about the writing.

And I'm rambling. Wargh.

I mean, why write something that you don't even want your friends to know about? *ponders* Well, some know about it; some don't. I can't say why here, because I can't explain it to myself. (Ooo, I hate angst at this hour. I should really erase emo songs from my playlist.)

Why write something that you're afraid to let people read - people who are interested in the same things as you are, who would offer their advice and encouragement?

I don't know.

Why work at something for so long and not have anything to show for it?

I don't know.

(Though a month isn't long - give me more than that and I'll just give up the whole project when I lose momentum. It happens.)

Why work at something, and put so much of your time and effort into it, when it's not going to do you any good?

I don't know.

I keep saying it's for the satisfaction. But satisfaction doesn't last - what I think is good today turns into a horrible cliched mess the next day.

Why post it on the Net if you're going to hate what you did?

I don't know.

I still get reviews.

But being the odd, sadistic person that I can be, I want someone to actually point out: "Look, my dear, you can't write. The story had promise, but I'm sorry to say that you're boring me. Your style is hardly engaging, and your humour falls flat with your pathetic attempts at wordplay and pop culture references. In fact, I'm not impressed with what you did with my favourite characters. Try writing something original for once - maybe you should try writing fiction instead of slaving away at this fanfiction? And I'm beginning to wonder whether your convoluted plot was a thinly-disguised commentary against the government, or you're just trying to sound clever with your limited knowledge of power play and politics when you planned it. And please - your plot devices are lame and overdone. Your plot holes are astoundingly huge - I wonder why you didn't trip and fall into them while writing this sorry excuse of a story."

Argh. Shut up, Editor.

I'm grateful for the reviews and the good feedback. But I want to know. If I suck or not.

SATISFACTION: YOU NO CAN HAS IT.

Yet another reason why I should never be allowed to go near Blogger when it's past midnight.

The verbal crappage; it scares meh.

(And to be honest, I'm a total noob when it comes to recent events. Maybe I shouldn't have written that after all. *broods*)

Or maybe I'm just embarrassed about the whole thing. It happens.

Time to start writing the short story, I guess XD

PS - Neil Gaiman's post, on book-banning, freedom of speech and pornography.

Sometimes the same thing happens at the other end of the world. Without the pornography though.