flame throwing

d'you know what's sad? when you have to tell someone they're not up to standard. and you've given them chance after chance for more than a year. and when you ask if there's anything that can be done, should be done - they go and throw it back and say it's not their fault.

been watching too much gordon ramsay, and in that moment i really felt my blood pressure shoot up. actual vein throbbing feeling, you guys. but losing my temper was not really cool, so i just shut up after that. and sat there staring at that person in disbelief and watching myself think. like along the lines of -

is this person serious? apparently yes. definitely yes.

deluded? no idea. not my problem.

stubborn? bloody hell yes.

irresponsible? hard to say. not reliable at all times.

self-aware? no, not really. if unfriending us on facebook after bitching about us for a few months is a sign that the person lacks self-awareness, then yes, this person ticks the relevant boxes.

but then ask yourself - what did you think would happen? this person was led to believe that s/he understood what s/he was doing for more than 10 years in the same position. but not promoted - no - stuck in the same place. wasn't told. followed orders and expected orders. and no explanations given for what s/he was doing. just day in, day out doing the same thing.

maybe i was harsh. maybe i wasn't harsh enough in the past few months. i don't know. i've got a chip on my shoulder and my parents have warned me about it.

saddest part, really. when people just don't think. if they knew and didn't care, you could at least accuse them of wrongdoing and deliberate ill intentions. but not thinking? it's just sad. they couldn't even make the effort of thinking how their actions would affect other people.

d'you know those sayings that tell you you have to respect people older than you? yes you should. but only when it's been earned. respect shouldn't be given because someone told you you should. do it because they've earned yours.

my mum always said i have a problem forgiving people, and forgetting the things they've done to me. so much rage. she's right on that though, i don't really forgive. such high standards i have. much impress. but words are important to me, and when you say one thing and do another, that i cannot forget, much less forgive.

to quote pratchett -

sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than to curse the darkness

hope i don't burn too many bridges along the way though.