Redefining emo

It interests me, why people would call me "emo", because -

a) I prefer to be alone
b) I'm irritated over something they don't understand or
c) I'm not talking to them.

a) works for me, because I have phases. This is not me being emo - this is me winding down after a hectic semester, spending time alone to do what I want, and thinking on my own time. There is nothing wrong in stoning on my bed thinking in the silence - I'm an introvert, and sometimes real life isn't everything. No I don't watch TV - don't ask me to. I usually just watch the Food Channel anyway. And Jamie Oliver. I should try making spuds like him. I miss Nigella Lawson's calorie-ridden programs too, cos of the deluge of fat and chocolate you can see onscreen.

The point IS - I like doing what I want to do. If what I want to do doesn't agree with you, then who died and made you dictator?

b) well too bad, there are some things that though I may try to explain to you, you still. won't. get it. It's not ALL ABOUT YOU, goddammit. Stop thinking I'm angry with you, specifically - it's the issue that will affect me that is making me irritated. I'm not against you, or against anyone else - I'm just annoyed with what will inevitably happen. Cos, you're optimistic right now, but sorry if I'm trying to look at this realistically. What, I'm being silly?

Have it your way. Things have changed, but if you keep trying to convince me that it will be the same, you can shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

This is the last time I'm going to write about this. Don't talk to me about it, even.

c) look, if I don't want to talk to you, I don't. That's why I always appear offline on MSN - saves the awkwardness of someone messaging and I don't reply. I don't reply, they accuse me of being anti-social, not fun, emoing, blah blah blah - the point IS, when I don't want to talk to you, I just don't.

And d) I WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING, and I need time alone to think. Is that so hard to understand? Mahai.

This is me being sarcastic. And reacting against you. Usually I'm passive, and nice (god forbid I hate that word to describe me - nice? NICE? "Nice" means being "okay" and "average", or worse still - "erm, she's....nice") I can be selfish if I want to, but unlike people, and unlike people who would teach me to be selfish, I just don't really care about the stupid things people do to want to make things complicated. You want this to happen? BFD. You think things will stay the same? BFD.

***

Mmpf. Started snowing again today.

People who've never experienced snow would tell me to quit whining and how lucky I am to see snow. It is fun, at first...until the dryness sets in, and you're slipping all the way to class cos the snow refroze into ice overnight, and your skin gets so dry that scraping your knuckle against something most probably causes the skin to break and it bleeds. And the cold - have always hated cold anyway, even back in Malaysia. I don't even sleep with an air-cond on - ooo lookit me, I'm so environmentally friendly and a green hippy.

Still, snow does makes things look pretty pretty, mostly because it covers everything in white. Even you walking to class.

***

Watched the new Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland trailer. To quote someone somewhere, the Mad Hatter looks like "Elijah Wood on crack". Saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory yesterday - do you realise how creepy is Depp's Willy Wonka?

Saw this on Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Glad to know I wasn't the only one irritated while reading it years ago. It starts off okay, really, with its idea of heaviness and lightness and the insignificance of actions - but when Tomas started philandering, my nazifeminist didn't like it and chucked the book instead, cos bloody hell, why so misogynistic? And Tomas is a wimp - ooo I need to understand women, that's why I sleep with them, boo-effing-hoo, my actions are the definition of "lightness" - no, you're a womanizer and a selfish husband, so deal with it. And Tereza, waiting and not speaking, until she had the courage to leave. Still, I wanted to shake her. And Sabina, with her oh-so-cool background, and her oh-so-cool philosophy, and the contemptuous way that she treats the men in her life - I get it, you're attractive and desirable, now can we move on?

And the idea of "lightness" itself - just because your actions seem to be insignificant, it doesn't mean you can do what you like. This is what it means to be free, to be free from the idea of God and an All-Knowing Being who judges you - you take responsibility for what you do. You take responsibility for your mistakes; you do things with the knowledge that you might or might not hurt people; you realise that you yourself have to judge what is right and wrong, not what someone else says is right or wrong. If you absolve yourself every time you do wrong, where will you go then? Does the idea of right or wrong depend on you, or is it defined by other people, those who have different beliefs and opinions?

Now why is this going to religion...

(Cos this is what I do? Back when I could rant for paragraphs on a subject? I need that back.)

***

Now back to the idea of emo.

Emo can be defined as:

n. One who dresses up like a nut and who holds the philosophy that the world sucks

adj. The state of feeling, or thinking, that the world sucks

vb. Acting as though the world sucks

adv. Doing things as though the world sucks

Examples:

1. That kid over there dresses like an emo. I want to burn her Good Charlotte shirt. Ohmygod, it's actually Edward Cullen!

2. I am emo. The world sucks. I suck. You suck. Everyone sucks. He, she, or it sucks.

3. Go away. The world sucks. Everyone is against me. Leave me to emo.

4. I am so fucking emo!

(Query: It fascinates me, how so many adverbs can be attached to the word "fucking". It's not even a polite word to say. "I'm so fucking angry", "Ohmaigod, I'm so fucking excited!" - why, people, why?)

I have nothing against the institution of "emo". I just can't be bothered, because I have better things to do liddat.

Next time someone asks me if I'm emo, I'll ask them back, "Which part of speech specifically?"

You know the idea that the world sucks?

Boo-hoo, the world owes you nothing. (I learnt that from Terry Pratchett, therefore it is true. Don't argue with me!)

Or as my parents would say, "This is the real world. People are like that. You'll get hurt now, but you have to learn how to handle these things."

This is true, because My Parents Said So™.

And it's also true that sometimes I have weird thought processes, and people who don't understand them think it's weird.

It isn't. Thinking differently from you doesn't mean I'm weird. It's because you've accepted the opinion of the majority without realising you have. And that's a sad fact.

I need to go find more fantasy books to read. China Mieville! And a new Diana Wynne Jones book in January! Discworld! Eoin Colfer's H2G2 book! Douglas Adams' H2G2 books!

The Internet is my oyster.

Except that people here in Iowa don't eat much seafood, eurgh.